Do you know what Singaporeans favorite pastime is? What we do best? An addiction we can’t kick? QUEUE. We love to queue. We see a queue, we join it without even knowing what on earth we’re actually queueing for. With that said, here are the 10 types of queue hoggers you must have come across at some point in your life.
1 | The Kiasu Aunty
Here’s some advice, you better make friends with this aunty. For those crazy long queues for your Hello Kitty or iPhone, this aunty has all the goods. ALL. She’s got the umbrella, picnic mat, blankets, food, water, radio etc. She’s basically a walking mama shop. If there’s a cheap deal or free gift, she’s there. Get on her bad side and you’re pretty much screwed. She’s got an army of Ah Ma’s waiting to ambush you later with their umbrellas. You watch out.
2 | The Intern
This queue hogger often makes an appearance in the morning at your usual cafes or the Starbucks below your office. This person is probably a quiet and meek fresh graduate ready to take on the world only to realize that you start at the bottom meaning – you get everyone’s coffee in the morning. Honestly, we pity this person really. Like it’s not even their fault for holding up the queue with their 30 orders from the office.
3 | The Parent
You hear screaming, crying children? Best of luck. The parent usually has a train wreck of chaos with them in any queue. Their kids climb on counters and fiddle with cash registers. Their eyes look haunted with the tales of late night tantrums. Their clothes stained by the bloodshed of toddler wars (it’s probably tomato sauce). Their tired voices are a cry for help.
Do you think they would want to hold up queues with food order for their kids, just to get that elusive free toy to shut their children up? Have mercy, brothers and sisters. This battle is not ours, but we must stand with our fellow comrades.
4 | The Student
Okay this type of queue hogger is plain annoying. There are 5 very noisy school kids scrambling to shout their orders over each other’s voices. Then comes the dreaded part – payment. One of them takes out his phone to calculate. The other 4 start counting their coins and arguing with each other about who pays what.
Really though, they do know that one person could just pay first and they could discuss the individual amounts at their table later right?
5 | The Fake Student
This one is even more annoying. You’re not a kid, you have a full grown beard for god’s sake. It says student meal. STUDENT. Stop pretending like you left your student card at home when we all know it’s back with the school years ago. This one is confirm the son of the Kiasu Aunty.
6 | The Domestic Helper
Ah, the classic case of Singaporean employers too lazy to leave the house for food. So they write down their orders on a piece of paper, and get their domestic helpers to buy food from a nearby restaurant. This is what usually happens – one of the items on that paper is probably sold out, OR the employer did not give the helper enough money.
Bam. Queue hold up.
7 | The Teenager
This queue hogger is pure frustration. We get one teenage girl standing in line. Okay right? No, wait for it.
The moment it’s her turn to order, magically SEVEN other teenage girls will teleport to her place. You might as well take a nap first.
8 | The Aggressive Uncle
Okay for real, you need to be careful with this type. This uncle is insanely suspicious of your motives. You stand too close? You want to cut queue. You walk ahead? You want to cut queue. You breathe too loudly? You definitely trying to cut the queue.
He will get aggressive if he thinks you are a potential threat that needs to be neutralized. He has a gang of cabbie uncles waiting in the shadows.
Do not approach. Do not engage.
9 | The Indecisive One
Simple rule of queuing. Decide what you want BEFORE you join the queue. Not AT the counter. Decide IN the queue even, doesn’t matter. Just please don’t stand at the counter and stare blankly as if you’re hoping for some divine intervention because everyone behind you, is waiting.
10 | The Tourist
Ah, the classic. Now this one though, to be fair, we can’t really get mad at. We’ve also been tourists ourselves in a foreign country. And we know it’s extremely difficult. The language barrier is one thing. Even worse if there’s no English menu. While yes they’re slow and it’s definitely going to take time, be patient.
I mean if you can’t deal with queues and these people, don’t go out. Just foodpanda it 😉